I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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