I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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