help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
