This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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