I only kidnapped one of them. chill
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
