on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
