a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
