yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
