So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
