what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
