My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
