Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
