Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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