my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
