It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize