FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
