Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
