we're chasing vodka with high fives
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
