she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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