Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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