she smelled like a LAN party
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
