okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
