The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
