She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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