For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My pussy is not your playground.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
be right there i have to get my cape
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
