It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
