You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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