Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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