Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
