hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
