worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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