I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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