I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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