dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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