btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize