Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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