she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
whose ass print is on the piano?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
