do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
