i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize