I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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