he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize