I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
