Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
