oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
