kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
