Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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