My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
