Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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