remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her vagine was all disorganized.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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