I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize