he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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