is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
