i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
