Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
