I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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