I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
