My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
