Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
