I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
