Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
