Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
