I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
