So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
