The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
