So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
