There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
