doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
