I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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