New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
