So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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