One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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