Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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