the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
