Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
