Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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