She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
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