How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
