I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
